Online dating and the top 3 reasons why emails matter.

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I was listening to a radio show the other day when the host gave some brilliant online dating advice. By brilliant I mean in that  “Tommy Lee goes to College” kind of way. He suggested that women should just post pictures and not bother with anything else.  In his view, men are visual so there’s no point in spending time on a profile and, above all, emails are pointless.

In truth, my observation has been that men don’t like to write emails and do, in fact, prefer to meet sooner than later. Some even assert, “don’t like endless emails” on their online dating profiles (which, frankly, can sound boorish and rigid).

Women have complained that, if a man won’t make the effort to write a few emails in the early stages, then imagine how lazy he’ll be if he “snags” you. So men – appearances alone are reason enough to write emails. Still, there are three even stronger reasons why the benefits of emailing are great for both genders, here they are:

1) Emails give you dimension that photos can’t.

Both men and women are visual creatures. Both respond to visual stimuli. However, human beings are also complex creatures and we make decisions using a myriad of sensory information that goes beyond visual (and yes, even men).

This is good news for singles. It means that you don’t need to rely solely on your looks. If you do (as the host suggested), then you’ll end up competing against countless other singles who are just as attractive as you.

However, if you complete your profile and follow up with a great first email, that person will be more intrigued. A few emails more and you’ll begin to be a real person rather than just one-dimensional profile on a dating site.

That – for starters- is why emails matter. Once you get an exchange going, you both have begun investing in the outcome. As such, you’re more likely to make that first meeting happen.

In short, after the photo and profile, emails are the next great opportunity to market yourself – again and again.

2) Emails reveal everything from deal breakers to red flags.

Emails give you a chance to get a better idea of a person’s character in ways that go beyond the profile and, most certainly, beyond the photo. Every exchange sheds more light. For instance, are they communicative? Do they ask questions about you or are you doing all the work? Do they show a healthy balance of fun and seriousness, or are they entirely too glib or entirely too intense?

More importantly, emails also give you a chance to pick up on red flags. You’ll begin to note whether or not the information you’re collecting in your emails all match up to each other, as well as to the content of the profile. As you exchange anecdotes you will also be able to pick up on whether or not they tend to approach situations from a negative or positive perspective.

You don’t need “endless” email exchanges to start noticing a pattern – and patterns are precisely what you need time to observe.

3) Emails give you ice breakers.

Another fantastic benefit to emails is that they give you all-important icebreakers. Think about it – if you can use emails to bond over certain interests and anecdotes then, when you meet, you can dive right into those topics and secure your connection!

Emails are the perfect way to bypass those awkward first conversations that happen when you meet a stranger. Jumping straight to a meet and greet can set you up for failure even if you like each other’s looks. After all, no matter how attractive you might find each other, if the conversation is stilted or cliché looks won’t be enough to get you a second date.

A final note about emails.

I’ve read that three emails are all it takes to be ready to meet. I disagree. First, there are no set rules about this. We’re all speculating. My feeling is that three emails are not enough to observe patterns that could reveal potential deal breakers, let alone red flags. Safety is of special concern to women and men need to be understanding of that. In addition, the danger is not exclusive to women. Men have had horror stories too.

Three emails are also not enough to break the ice. As such, my suggestion is that you arrange a meeting once your email exchanges have developed into a relaxed flow. That’s is the best time to meet.

Don’t wait too long either. Generally speaking – and personally speaking – I feel that approximately two weeks is enough time to weed out the wrong matches and develop a rapport with those who have potential.

The risk in emailing for weeks on end is that you get a virtual idea of someone, but not a real one. The person may be everything they projected in their photos, profiles and exchanges, however that doesn’t necessarily guarantee chemistry. If you meet and the sparks don’t happen then you will not have made a huge investment. In addition, the investment you did make will ensure that you nevertheless have a good date.

For those of you who see the value relying on more than your looks, hire me to write your online dating profile. I’m an award-winning ad writer and marketing expert with over 20 years experience. As such, I’m trained to make you stand out.