Online dating experts. Says who?

The other day I discovered an online dating advice column for women written by a man. His credentials? He’s a guy who’s online dated.

I also discovered a woman who wrote an online dating advice book for men. Her credentials? That she’s a woman who’s online dated.

I found several online dating coaches too. Their credentials? That they’ve online dated, of course! Some even touted the fact that they had found their soul mates, thus implying that this success made them more than simple experts. In other words, if there were a Stephen Hawking of online dating, that would be them (admittedly tricky grammar).

I find this self-professed proficiency curious. Consider this: I’ve been cooking for myself for about 20 years (okay, it’s more but I’ve never claimed to be good at math…let it go). Could I call myself an expert? Apparently I could. But, am I one? Well, I only recently discovered that cilantro and parsley, though similar in looks, taste nothing alike (and don’t even get me started on paprika and cayenne pepper).

So, yes, I cook, but God help anyone who comes to me for advice on it.

Which brings me back to those columnists, authors and coaches that people trust with their hearts for no reason other than, having online dated, presumably makes them experts.

Though I’m no expert, here’s what I know about online dating: it’s a relatively new phenomenon that’s growing in popularity and, with each growth, it evolves in diverse ways and at a rapid rate.

How can anyone be an expert on something changing so swiftly that we can barely get a handle on what, precisely, it’s all about?

Even the implications of online dating on society, let alone romance, are staggering.

Here’s something else that I know: success in online dating depends on many variables. These include everything from the ratio of men and women in an area, to who the competition is online in terms of numbers, looks, age, income level, etc., to the time of day, week, year, and even to how long someone has been online.

For instance, people in the initial stages of online dating can get caught up in – and deceived by – what appears to be countless choices of fabulously attractive people and, as such, become like monkeys on a tree looking the next best branch. Conversely, people who’ve been on for a while can become half-hearted and more difficult to engage. Those returning to online dating sometimes arrive with more realistic expectations.

The point that I’m making here is that, given this is a new, evolving phenomenon with so many variables, how can anyone actually be an expert?

Besides requiring a solid and steady baseline on which to conduct research (hence, a more established online dating pattern versus this rapidly evolving one), an expert would have to be educated and specialized in various fields of psychology, as well as have broad expertise in sociology and marketing – not to mention, specifically, an expertise in all-important personal ad writing.

So, the next time you consider the advice of an expert, be sure to have a healthy amount of skepticism. There are no hard and fast rules to online dating – at least not yet. Nor is there enough research (for the record, okCupid’s trends are not scientific) for anyone to truly be an expert. I’m not suggesting that the advisors and coaches out there are frauds. Their intentions might be good, but their critical thinking is flawed.

On a final note

If you want an expert helping you with online dating, then get started with the personality questionnaire and let me help  – at least with respect to your online dating profile. As a trained ad writer with over 20 years experience, I have the expertise to help you write craft a dating profile that makes you stand out (check out my online dating samples and see for yourself).

But, by the way, that’s all I can do to help. I’m no expert in online dating. They don’t exist yet.