I read this profile on POF and was pretty impressed with it. A lot can be improved (I’d have suggested my Most Popular service where I keep the foundation, but add other great touches). However, there were some very good aspects.
I’ve italicized some of the excerpts followed by my critique.
I like spending as much time as I can outdoors – preferably by a large body of water. I do yoga, go hiking, read books, try to not suck at playing my guitar, binge-watch tv shows, and hang out with friends.
I like that she says “large body of water” instead of at the beach or lake. The way she’s written it is more interesting. Just adding “large” implies that she really loves the water. I also like that she adds a personal, playfully self-effacing touch to the fact that she plays guitar. I also like that she doesn’t just watch TV – she binge watches (Game of Thrones fan perhaps!).
I like my desk job, but often daydream of climbing all the nearby mountains.
I like this too. In this one sentence, she manages to say she’s happy with her job, but loves climbing mountains. It’s a nice contrast.
I’m looking for a man who can handle my cheesy jokes. Seriously, I make the worse puns ever.
I love how self-effacing and genuine this is too. Had I written her dating profile I might have actually begun it with a pun just to start it off in a fun way that also highlights her unique and charming “quirk”.
This profile could have had better flow and a smoother read. She could have added more specifics about what kind of songs she plays – and is bad at. I think a mention of a binge-worthy show would have been fun too. All in all though, she did this pretty well for someone who does have my marketing skills (oh come on, I’m allowed a plug aren’t I!).
Thanks for reading. If you have profile that you’d like me to critique, feel free to send it in. Better yet, hire me to help you improve it.
