Online Dating Profiles. The Agony, Part 12.

Thanks to flickr.com

If online dating profiles were Lays Potato Chips, I too
could not “eat just one”. Usually, when Friday arrives and
I feature the week’s most outstanding profiles, I have to stop myself from including more than five. So, just to indulge a little more than usual, I’ve include six. I now feel suficiently satiated.

Though most people don’t know how to write personal ads and market themselves (and, as such, can benefit
from my marketing expertise and writing), the following excerpts do not reflect the norm and, for that, let’s all be grateful. So, for this week’s Online Dating Profiles, the Agony Part 12, may I present:

A man who thinks slut jokes are perfect profile prose:

So this woman tells her friend that she slept with a brazillian last night and the friend calls her slut. Then she asks, so how many is a brazillian anyway? Here’s another for your pleasure. A wife gets a phone call from another woman who says I slept with your husband. So the wife says, that’s okay I get his cheques.

A woman who also thinks her joke is worth posting:

A guy says to his 65 year old wife “40 years ago we had a basement suite, a pull out couch and a beater for a car, but I was sleeping with a hot 25 year old. Now we have a million dollar home, a king sized bed and a $70,000 car but I’m sleeping with a 65 year old. You’re not holding up your end of this”. So the wife replies “Well if you want – go get that 25 year old hottie and I promise you this – by the time my lawyers are through with you, you’ll also get your basement suite, pull out couch and beater back too”. The moral of the story – don’t **ck with me guys ‘cause I don’t take that from anyone!

Mr. “let’s raise the bar shall we”:

I don’t work out or go to the gym 5 times a week. Don’t jump out of airplanes. Don’t jog. Don’t play sports. Don’t hang glide. Don’t mountain climb. Don’t ski. Don’t hang upside down from trees. I’m just a guy looking for a woman.

Thankfully, I found the perfect woman for him:

I am not wealthy, my body isn’t perfect, I don’t have all of my original teeth, I color my hair, I’ve been told I slightly snore and may talk in my sleep and, like everyone in my age group, have some health issues. I occasionally forget why I went from one room to another and own a dozen pairs of reading glasses because I forget where I put them or that they are hanging off my neck or sitting on my nose. I do not ski, skate, climb rocks, surf, fish, bangee jump, kayak, bicycle, line dance or tango. One might say I am boring.

Mr. All Caps says this:

LADIES — IF YOUR LOOKIN TO MEET A GREAT GUY –AND YOUR TALKIN TO ONE — KEEP ON TALKIN TO HIM — IF YOU DROP HIM FOR ANOTHER CONVERSATION –GUESS WHAT — HE WONT BE TALKIN TO YOU ANYMORE –BECAUSE OF IT — SO IF THE OTHER GUY DOESNT WORK OUT –YOU JUST BLEW IT –WITH THE GOOD ONE –REMEMBER THIS SITE IS FULL OF BEAUTIFUL WOMEN –YOUR NOT THE ONLY ONE –AND WHEN YOU LEAVE –ANOTHER TAKES YOUR PLACE –IN A SECOND. I TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS TO ANNOY THE –PETTINESS OF SOME ON HERE.

Ms “oh make up your mind” meets any criteria:

I’m spontaneous and adventurous as long as I can have control. I am independent but really want someone in my life. I’m not one of those girls who has to have deep emotional talks okay but I do need to communicate how I feel. I am thinking about changing my “what I’m looking for” from long term to dating. That doesn’t mean I am not looking to find the man I want to share the rest of my life with.

On a final note – a dating profile should present you in a positive way, which is why my writing and marketing expertise can help. I’m trained to find out what makes you remarkable and then – using words and anecdotes that I collect from all the questions I ask you – I write a profile that makes you stand out and get noticed.

Check out the online dating samples of my work. Better still, go straight to the personality quiz. It costs nothing to do, but will help you uncover some of your unique traits, which is the first step in writing an online dating profile that’s remarkable (in a good way!).

If you like the blogs, then I think you’ll like the tweets. Would love to see you on Facebook too.