The other day a friend of mine posted the stunningly effective ad campaign above on her Facebook page. Not surprisingly, it received likes. One person, however, weighed in by holding the victims accountable. Essentially, her theory was that young girls should avoid being sold to traffickers.
The simplistic reasoning should have made me realize that she was just one of those people who likes to be provocative. It occurred to me then that I’ve seen this tactic on dating profiles too.
It used to confuse me.
Why, I wondered, would someone deliberately try to antagonize or offend the very people they’re there to attract? Why be challenging in so inappropriate an environment?
Eventually, I began putting it together. I suspect it reflects on self-esteem. I think that, deep down, some people don’t believe they have what it takes to get positive attention, but also don’t have the heart to get no attention.
In fairness, who does?
Oscar Wilde once said, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.”
I believe that a provocative dating profile could be indicative of someone who expects rejection and therefore sets it up to feel some measure of control and empowerment versus vulnerability. Basically, they’re pushing people away because they don’t expect them to come forward anyway. I suspect it’s a defense mechanism.
I’m not a psychologist, of course, and I’m surely oversimplifying. However, it’s an important insight to share because a provocative profile isn’t always outrageous. Sometimes it’s subtle. Worse still, sometimes it’s yours!
It’s easy to lack confidence in the online dating environment. It’s difficult to put yourself out there so publicly. So how do you keep your insecurities and defense mechanisms from creeping into your dating profile?
The right frame of mind.
What I’m about to suggest will make me sound like a positive thinking evangelist instead of the person who told her little niece that I’d stop loving her if she continued to like Backstreet Boys (it’s okay, she knew I was kidding!). Nevertheless, here goes:
Before you write your dating profile, get in a frame of mind where you feel good about yourself. Play with your dog. Increase your endorphins with a run. Better yet, go out with friends who really enjoy you and whose company you really enjoy. In fact, play with your dog, go for a run and then go out with friends. Once you’ve had a great day, then sit down and write your dating profile while you’re still feeling good.
When you visit the creative department of any ad agency, you’ll see the silliest items on desks and walls – anything from toys to funny posters. I even worked at an ad agency that had a pool table. It’s not that creative people are childish. It’s that a positive, fun environment inspires creativity and makes it far easier for us to think up ads that engage and connect with an audience. Not all advertising needs to be upbeat. However, much of the time, we are, in fact, expected to put a positive spin on a brand.
This isn’t just an ad technique, of course. It’s merely common sense. You’ll write a more engaging, friendlier and self-confident dating profile when you’re feeling good about yourself. So, it stands to reason that you should do what you can to uplift yourself.
Still can’t think of anything good to say?
Then let me help you. I can honestly say that every single person has unique qualities and interesting anecdotes. Sometimes all it takes is someone objective and strategic to ask the right questions and uncover the gems. That’s where I come in. It’s what I love to do and what I’m good at.
Check out the online dating profile samples of my work and see for yourself. Or go straight to the personality questionnaire and then submit your answers to me. You’ll see that you don’t need to be provocative to get attention. I’ll make sure that you stand out in a positive way.
