A few years ago I was having a discussion about producers with a tall, slim colleague of mine.
Unexpectedly, she confided that one producer we worked with was someone she found to be especially annoying because, in her words, “he’s so fat”.
I was stunned by this admission and questioned her about it.
Apparently she was angry that he didn’t watch his weight. Angrier still because she felt that all it took was will power.
This was from a woman with the compassion and tolerance to do volunteer work for homeless people with drug addictions.
Fast-forward to the other day when I read a blog by a business performance expert – not a scientist, doctor, nutritionist or trainer – who essentially asserted that being fat is your fault.
It was a simplistic and judgmental conclusion to the complex socio-economic, physiological and psychological factors surrounding fat and obesity.
As one who scans online dating sites regularly, I can attest that overweight people are constantly – and openly – maligned. I’ve seen dating profiles with variations of “no fatties and no porkers”, belittling this group with no discretion, let alone shame.
I’ve seen bacon jokes too, as if being cruel required a little more sizzle.
Over the decades we’ve come to learn that disparaging remarks about race, religion and, more recently, sexual orientation, are intolerable. When was the last time you heard the words spic or fag? I cringe just writing them.
Yet people are constantly weighing in about fat people. What’s more, on online dating sites, comments about looks in general can be unabashedly abusive.
I can’t pretend that looks don’t matter. They do online and offline. However, there’s no need to add “no fatties” on your dating profile or “short people need not apply” or “don’t bother contacting me if you’re ugly”.
If you aren’t slim enough, tall enough, wrinkle-free enough and good-looking enough then, according to some singles dating online, you’re not good enough to send a wink, let alone receive one. Worse still, you’re not even good enough to be treated with respect.
It’s a reprehensible approach to take when writing your dating profile.
Personally, I feel that if you subscribe to a dating site – that is, an environment where people are putting their hearts and self-esteem on the line, then you also need to subscribe to behavior that respects vulnerabilities.
So keep cruel comments to yourself even if it means getting winks or emails from suitors who don’t meet your idea of beauty. After all, how hard is it to send a polite “I don’t feel we’re a match”.
In fact, you could ignore them altogether and even that would be kinder than openly insulting people at a disadvantage when it comes to their appearance.
There’s something about being online – whether it’s a dating site or social network – that invites people to be cavalier in ways they’d never be to a person’s face. Yet what they don’t realize is that, ironically, that kind of behavior reveals a truly ugly side to them.
A final note about writing an online dating profile.
A well-written online dating profile that makes your interests and lifestyle clear will go a long way in diplomatically weeding out wrong matches. There’s a way to do it so that it remains positive and engaging, but it takes know how – and that, of course, is where I come in.
I ask a lot of questions and then I use your words and anecdotes to create a profile that’s true you. I also combine solid marketing techniques with good writing so that you have a better chance of getting noticed by the right matches and in a positive way.
Check out my online dating profile samples and see for yourself. Better yet, get started by completing the personality questionnaire and then submit your answers to me. You’ll be amazed at what I can do with them.
