This is a guest post by my friend Brad. I’m not getting paid for it. It’s up here because he’s one of the most sincere people I’ve met since working in the dating industry.
Brad spent more holidays alone than he’d care to admit. He eventually learned to see his “single” time around Christmas in a better way. He has now met the love of his life and runs a website in his spare time that I’ve often recommended, Dating Advice Guy.
Here goes (and thanks Brad!):
The holidays are a time we generally look forward to…but it also tends to be a stressful time of year. There can be even more stress for those of us who are single this time of year. We can find ourselves putting pressure on ourselves at having seen another year pass by without meeting the “one”. And dealing with all those relatives with their questions on our love life…who wants to deal with that?
I’m married now but I remember my holidays spent alone and more than a few times, particularly once I was in my twenties, I found myself angrier than at peace once the holidays had ended. In retrospect, I think this wasn’t very healthy (for my love-life or otherwise). With that in mind, I wanted to offer some thoughts on dealing with the holiday if you’re single and offer a bit of hope.
Relationships at Christmas can be Awkward Anyway!
First, and I think this might be most important, give yourself permission to give up your search for that special someone. That might sound odd, but I know for me I was so bothered by what I didn’t have (a relationship) that I didn’t allow myself to full enjoy what I had (great family and friends). Just for a few weeks, allow yourself some room to not worry about your relationship status. Try to appreciate what you have and not beat yourself up.
And anyway, getting into a relationship right before Christmas is an invitation for awkwardness. What type of gift do you get? How much do you spend? If you’ve just met, should you really be meeting each otherís family? Who wants to deal with all that, right?! So given all that…you’re actually HAPPY to be single right now. Right? Right!
Single and Alone are Different
Next, be sure to recognize that being “single” and being “alone” are two very different things. Clearly if you have opportunities to spend time with loved ones that can be a great distraction from loneliness you might feel (as long as they’re not asking questions about your love life that is).
The holidays give us extra opportunities to socialize so don’t be that guy or girl who says to yourself, “I’ll be the only single one there. I don’t want to stand out so I’ll not go”. I think it’s important to not see yourself as the “single” person this holiday season, but I think it’s even more important to not become the “alone” person!
Don’t Stress about the Questions or Pressure
Very well-meaning people who love you very much, but who also haven’t been on a date in 30 years, may end up making you feel bad or putting pressure on you. It will be difficult but try to let this slide. They either forget or never understood how problematic finding a great relationship can be, but they don’t mean any harm.
New Year’s is Right Around the Corner
And here’s the good news: there are millions of people just like you who are absolutely miserable during the holiday! Okay, that doesn’t sound like great news…but what this leads to is an explosion of activity on online dating sites in January. New Year resolutions added to the misery that was the Christmas season leads to lots of opportunities. So be looking forward to the New Year this Christmas and recognize that even while single, you can have a great holiday season.
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