Dating profile pictures that make me go “oh come on!”

When Gwyneth Paltrow & Chris Martin named their child, Apple. I thought, “Oh come on.” When Madonna kissed Britney, I cringed and said, “Oh come on.” When a friend showed me a Youtube video of Bush dancing with an African band, I spat out the tea I was sipping and laughing like a lunatic, said, “Oh come on” followed by “oh gross, sorry”. The tea sort of landed on his computer screen, but anyway…

Recently I visited Match.com, PlentyofFish and Yahoo Personals, and decided to share some “oh come on” that some of the online dating profiles on these sites inspired:

Profile picture of a woman in a bikini and heels.

Profile picture of a woman in a bath towel.

Profile picture of cleavage.

Profile picture of cleavage and a tattoo.

Profile picture of a man holding a newborn baby.

Profile picture of man with arm around elderly mother.

Profile picture of man kissing a litter of puppies.

I’m picking up on a theme. I’ve noticed a lot of women who seem to think that the way to a man’s heart is through his groin, so to speak. Conversely, men sometimes try way too hard to prove they’re nice guys.

Women – if you’re looking for long term, cleavage is the wrong message. It says you’re looking for sex. I mean, seriously, you’re showing cleavage. Do you really think a man’s first thought will be “Yippee, a woman with heart”? Come on. Go onto google images and do a search for “heart” then do a search for “cleavage” – same region but vastly very different body parts.

Pictures in your bath towel don’t suggest long term either. Personally, when I see those pictures, I can’t help but wonder if the woman is dirty and about to shower, or if she’s freshly-scrubbed. But that’s how my brain works. A man’s brain is different. However, he doesn’t think “there’s a woman with heart under that towel” any more than I do. He thinks “there’s woman who’s naked under that towel”.

I’m not trying to be mean. I’m just trying to suggest that you give yourself a shake.

As for men, some of those profile pictures look like the photo ops for politicians. Let’s be frank, politicians aren’t exactly known to be genuine or nice guys. A picture of you holding a new born baby is trying way too hard. Pictures with your pets are fine but litters of puppies and kittens? It’s a little much.

When a woman sees a man trying too hard to show he’s nice, she ends up thinking one of two things 1) he can’t get a woman which is why he’s trying so hard 2) he’s a phony and probably a player who’s trying all the tricks. Neither message is attractive.

Instead, be yourself. Take a warm welcoming picture without all of the “over the top” additions. Just be natural and have balance. Don’t post anything that can be construed as contrived.

I know there’s a lot of competition out there and I’m the first to say compete with every tool you have. However, if you’re looking for long-term that means your primary objective (as we say in advertising) is to find love.

So seriously consider what love means: friendship, dedication, kindness, substance and other qualities that win and keep hearts. Also consider your ideal target (another ad term which, in essence, means your ideal match). Then try to find the appropriate bridge that will bring you and that person together to meet your objective.

Or, forget all that and just hire a professional online dating profile writer – me – to write your online dating profile.

Get started by filling out the fun free personality quiz then be sure to submit it. You can also get some pointers by checking out the samples.