The other day Joy Behar tweeted about the impending divorce between Demi Moore and Ashton Kushter. Her tweet made a glib reference to Kushter being “grounded” (as in – sent to his room). I replied to the tweet with an equally glib, “I think it’s called minors emancipation”.
At the time, I thought I was being clever. I since regret the callousness and prejudice of my words. In effect, I was making snide commentary about their age difference, which has been relentlessly harped upon in the media only because Demi – a woman – is the older partner.
One online dating website called whatsyourprice.com is even being credited for having boldly predicted that their marriage was doomed due to the Cougar-Cub relationship.
For the record, the divorce rate is high in North America. Some stats quote it at 50%. In addition, given the high rate of narcissism and indulgence in Hollywood, divorce rates among celebrities are through the roof. Basically, nameyourprice.com’s prediction is about as earth-shattering as my soothsaying that Jessica Simpson will get food cravings. Give me a break.
That age has been cited as a contributing factor in the divorce is absurd and far too forgiving. They aren’t divorcing because of their age difference. They’re divorcing because he cheated on her. Betrayal, not age, is what’s breaking up this union.
Worse still, the term “cougar” is being thrown around as though it’s an acceptable label. When did so derogatory a term become allowed in our culture? I’ve seen it in headlines. I’ve heard it on TV. It’s even been used in commercials. Yet, the term is a blatant insult. There’s nothing complimentary about calling someone predatory. In addition, it’s a term that’s overtly sexist and prejudicial. It doesn’t have a male equivalent. Correction – according to my friend Darlene, the male equivalent for cougar is “lucky bastard”. Ditto Darlene.
Can you imagine if a newspaper printed a headline like “Fag romance” or “Tranny dating”? It wouldn’t happen because, thankfully, those groups, as well as those sensitive to the discrimination of those groups, are vocal guardians of their right to be treated with humanity and respect. Yet, somehow women – specifically older women – are fair game. The term cougar has entered our vernacular and is being used in the most callous and cavalier way. It’s so prevalent that it’s become a norm.
Personally, I like a match who doesn’t just have similar interests and values, but also has similar references in terms of the era in which I grew up. When I enter my senior years, I’d also prefer to be with someone who can appreciate the aches and pains, as well as the freedom that comes from both financial and personal growth.
However, that’s a personal preference. My even stronger personal belief is that relationships – young, old, and mixed – can work for all kinds of reasons and can overcome all kinds of challenges.
Unfortunately, in the case of Demi and Ashton, age is being touted as the reason rather than as the poorest possible excuse for infidelity. The focus on age discrepancy – and the presumed predictability of it as a factor – not only implies there’s justification for the betrayal, it also sends a message of “you’ll get yours” to other older women dating younger men. It’s so punishing. The fact is that romances between older women and younger men are not necessarily based on the shallow appeal of youth. Some of have real depth and commitment, and should be treated with respect and admiration – as all good unions should be.
As one who works with words, I know their power to do everything from destroy to enhance. I would love for us to have greater awareness of the injurious and prejudicial nature of that word. As one who writes online dating profiles for a living, I can attest that there are many sincere singles out there looking for true love. Whether you’re a man, woman, gay, straight, old or young, if you find it, then I hope you get to enjoy it in a supportive and nurturing environment.
If you like what you read, then follow me on Twitter and Facebook.
If you’d like to boost your chances of success with online dating, then hire me to craft your online dating profile. With over 20+ years of experience as an ad writer and marketing expert, I’m trained to get you noticed. Check the samples and see for yourself.
To get started, complete the personality quiz. It’s free to do and it’s an important first step in uncovering your most unique aspects. It’s also a lot of fun.
If you’d like to your LinkedIn profile to get noticed, be sure to have a look at North America’s best LinkedIn profiles.
