The other day, a client sent me a link to an article that outlines data collected by okCupid. In it, the article says that 32-year old women with cleavage shots garner 79 percent more hits than, presumably, those profiles of women without cleavage.
My client’s small-breasted. These stats made her frantic.
But first, let’s think critically – though the article uses words like “research” and “statistics”, and though the founders of okCupid are mathematicians, this is hardly what anyone would call scientific. Nor would it pass peer review.
While the insights are interesting, they aren’t any more serious than Buzzfeed’s “What 80’s rocker are you” personality test.
In addition, every single one of the suggestions is rooted in common sense marketing. For instance, you don’t need mathematical “evidence” (I use the term loosely) to propose that you’ll have more success going after a few good matches than several average ones.
In other words, a few matches that really intrigue you are far better than several who don’t.
This brings me to the insight that 79% of women showing cleavage get hit on. It begs the question – do you want a large group of men hitting on you simply because you have breasts?
Most women actually don’t. Sure, they might use boobs as bait but then they end up spending an inordinate amount of time weeding through a plethora of pervs. They waste so much time and become so discouraged that, after awhile, they stop truly reading their emails…and that’s when oversights happen. That’s when the right guy gets lost among the wrong ones.
okCleavage?
So ladies, do you or don’t you post cleavage and what do you do if you have no cleavage. Keep in mind:
1) There’s showing some cleavage and there’s showing a lot of cleavage. “Research” like okCupid’s is filled with generalities. You can’t take it seriously.
2) The best photos are the ones that show you at your most attractive, as well as at your most true
If you’re the kind of woman who shows her cleavage comfortably offline, then sure – show it online too – and to the degree that’s most representative of you. If you’re not comfortable, then cover up.
3) If your breasts (or lack of) are not your best asset, then post a photo that highlights another feature, one that you do have confidence in, whether that’s your legs or eyes.
The point to online dating is to appeal to the person who’s right for you. To do that, you need to display “you” at your truest and best.
Also, to paraphrase my favorite motivational speaker, Zig Ziglar: never compare your worst features (and that’s not to imply that little cleavage is a “worst” feature) to someone else’s best. We’re all attractive in our own way and to the right person.
For more help
Feel free to have a look at my services: everything from phone consultations to writing your profile from scratch (photo selection included). For the record, I write dating profiles using your anecdotes and expressions so that you do, genuinely, go online being honest and true to yourself.
For a better idea of my process, check out the examples of online dating profiles first or get started with the personality questionnaire and then send your answers to me.
