Remember when Kathy Bates went from being a caring sweetie to a crazy lady who then enslaved and tortured James Caan in blind obsession? She was awesome! Remember when Edward Norton went from being a sweet, soft-spoken victim to a cool, manipulative sociopath without a pulse or a conscience? I loved him. And who could possibly have expected mild-mannered Kevin Spacey in Usual Suspects to be a criminal mastermind?
I love plot twists and nutty characters in movies. On online dating profiles…not so much. Actually, that’s not true. I was trying to be mature and professional, but I can’t pull it off. To be completely transparent (like that trendy marketing lingo?), I love a good plot twist on dating profiles too. You know those online dating profiles that seem normal until the very end when all the mental issues come out in a flourish of black and white print? They’re the ones for which I admit to having a certain giddy, barely contained, hand-clapping kind of love.
Here are two I’ve found recently on one of the main online dating profile sites. To keep it fair, I’ll highlight one male and one female, both equally loony.
The first profile I read was of a man with a good job who enjoyed a host of wholesome activities from skiing to cooking, and had a loving family and friends.
Then, the meltdown began:
“I don’t want a woman who’s jealous or will nag me about drinking. I only drink a few times a week, and it’s only beer, and if you don’t like it then move on, hassle the next guy and make his life miserable then take his money in the divorce”.
He punctuated this with, “I don’t want you”.
Ah darn, I always wanted an angry alcoholic with a victim mentality.
The woman’s profile didn’t fare much better though it started off just as promising. She was a well-established lawyer who liked to eat well, stay fit and enjoy the company of friends. She preferred her first meet and greet with a guy to be over lunch versus coffee.
Here’s where her emotional balance toppled like a tightrope walker with a bad case of sneezing (where do I get these lines from?):
“But don’t go off in the middle of lunch and snort coke in the bathroom ‘cause if you come back sniffing uncontrollably I’m out of there”.
This would probably be a good time to suggest that you hire a professional online dating profile writer to write your dating profile. It might even be a good time to say that as a marketing expert, I’m adept at keeping a positive spin on your traits. However, I’m not authorized to dispense anti-psychotic medication, which would probably be best in these two cases.
Fact is, no online dating profile writer can remove your issues. You need to deal with them before you go online. It’s very clear from both these profiles, and several other online dating profiles that I read in my on-going research, that people often have unresolved anger or pain from previous relationships that need to be dealt with before taking on a new one. So get help and get over it before going out there and causing yourself and others pain.
For more online dating advice, feel free to read through all the previous blogs. For tips on how to write a great online dating profile, check out my online dating profile samples . Or, go straight to the free personality quiz and have your online dating profile professionally written by me!
