I don’t understand why some singles continue to take self-portraits with their cell phones.
More perplexing still is that they usually do it while looking at themselves through a bathroom mirror.
I’ve come to realize that cell phone pictures are the online dating equivalent of comb-overs and wearing socks with sandals.
Though everyone makes fun of them, some people miraculously think they can get away with them. I suggest that you can’t. Taking a cell phone selfie in the bathroom is about as appealing as leaving urine on the toilet seat.
Nevertheless, since certain singles have not been blessed with the critical faculties to stop themselves from entering a lavatory and saying cheese, here are 3 tips to make that dumb idea slightly less insufferable:
Wipe the mirror.
I’m a big proponent of good dental hygiene and I appreciate people who floss. In fact, I do it religiously. However, it’s repugnant to see signs of it all over a photo.
Flossed bits strewn across your mirror do not add texture or intrigue. Jason Pollock you’re not. For all things sacred, take out the Windex and wipe before you shoot.
Remove simple signs and by “simple” I mean…
Nose tweezers, dirty socks, a “still glistening” plunger – these items are not the kind that most people feel a need to capture forever, let alone add to their dating profiles. So, before you press your index finger onto the camera icon, remove items that might call into question everything we believe about evolution.
Women: while it might seem like a good idea to let a man know that you look after yourself, don’t leave out the box of Summer’s Eve Vaginal Douche “extra cleanse” on your counter.
Men: ditto on any bra that might be hanging from a door handle or shower rod.
If you must: smile
I find it odd to see people smiling at themselves through a mirror. I find it stranger still to see people looking angry or impatient – even though they’ve willingly chosen to take a self-portrait.
Yet, of all the unusual faces I’ve seen from self-loving to self-loathing, the all-time most peculiar one is of people looking at themselves with utter confusion. If you’re going to sink to cell phone self-portraits at least figure out how to do them so that, when it works, you’re not so shocked.
Dear God.
A final note about your online dating profile.
Most people don’t make the mistake of being outrageous, but they do make the mistake of being average – and it is a mistake because no one is just average. I’ve written countless dating profiles and have discovered that everyone is unique and interesting – in a good way (with a few very obvious exceptions).
So if you’re not sure how to bring out the best in yourself, then let me. Check out the samples of my online dating profiles and see how I do it.
Or, get started with the personality questionnaire. It seems like gimmick but it’s actually very helpful at uncovering the anecdotes, expressions and even the quirks that make each of us so interesting.
Once you’ve completed it, send your answers to me and I’ll craft an online dating profile that’ll make you stand out (for the right reasons).
