I remember the first time I saw a brow furrow. It was my Mom’s. It happened when she watched me place a bowl of ice cream into the microwave.
It happened again when I explained that heating the ice cream brought out the taste.
I’ve learned a lot about brow furrows since that day.Mainly I’ve discovered that, however adept I am at causing them on others, nothing beats reading online dating profiles when it comes to causing them on me.
This brings me to this week’s blog – the 27th installment of Online Dating Profiles, The Agony. In this series, I feature excerpts from dating profiles I spotted on dating sites. Let me rephrase that – I feature excerpts from dating profiles that I cannot believe I spotted on dating sites.
Rest assured, most people don’t have profiles as outrageous as the ones here. In fact, most dating profiles are average. My service makes them as great as they can be.
Now then, reassurances and plug aside, I don’t know whether to suggest popcorn or Vicodin ‘cause some of these are painful (the comments in bold are from yours truly).
Umm…on the subject of not making sense.
Careening down unexpected paths of fiction and truth, illusion and reality, wrong and right, shadow and light, generic lessons handed and genuine lessons found, my life has been an interesting and eye-opening adventure not unlike that of Alice when she tumbled down the rabbit hole into a realm of different realities and rules. Where nothing seemed to make sense and now I absolutely know for certain it doesn’t.
Wonder what she’s like when she isn’t finding humor in everything.
Love to laugh and find humor everything. I like to keep a positive outlook on things, and get along well with most pets and kids. So, this is what I need to stay cool: No couch potatoes. No guys with anti social disorders or depression. Sorry but it’s a drag to be around. No stalker types. No virgins. No unemployeds or welfare recipients. Clothed pics only. And – don’t message me to tell me what a demanding, stuck up b*tch I am!
Who knew a guy like this would be available!
Who knew by my forties I would have visited Europe, Hong Kong, Mexico and the Caribbean. Who knew I would have raced Moto GP, jumped out of an airplane, and flew my own helicopter. Who knew that I’d own two homes in great neighborhoods. The only thing I did know is that I’d want someone to share it with. Lastly – I have a modern home so if youre into antiques or country living, we won’t be a match. I love golf and you must too.
Guess who won’t be picking up the dinner tab.
I’m your night in shining armor. I’m going to marry you, support your kids and live happily ever after. You can have full access to my bank accounts and run my business. BULLSHIT! that may be what you want to hear but here is the truth………………Everything I have is mine. I have worked my ass off for it. I had nothing after my divorce. You are not moving in and you can’t borrow my truck. I have an ex-wife and she irritates me. I have to deal with her because of my son – who I love. I don’t have to deal with anybody else’s BS and I won’t. Not yours, your family’s or your friends.
Grrrr…she spelled “fawk” wrong.
PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR AN INTIMATE ENCOUNTER. I DO NOT HAVE A NEON LIGHT FLASHING ON MY HEAD SAYING FAWK ME. *Please do not lie about your age, your height or how old your pictures are. All my information is accurate, I expect the same.* If you are messy: can’t wash your dishes, laundry piled a mile high, house smells like pets or body odor…that grosses me out. Looking for someone clean that is more positive than negative.
On a final note
Most profiles are not outrageous. They’re merely average. If you want yours to stand out for the right reasons, I can help. I use marketing techniques to make your profile positive and persuasive, I also use your words and anecdotes so that the profile genuinely sounds like you.
Check out my online dating profile samples and see for yourself. Better yet, get started by completing the personality quiz and then submit your answers to me. You’ll be amazed at what I can do with them.
