Online Dating Profiles. The Agony, Part 11.

Charlie Sheen isn’t weird or strange. He has a mental illness. What’s really disturbing about the drama being played out around him is that it’s distracting us from celebrities who truly do deserve our punch lines – like William Shatner. I know, I know. I really must leave him alone. He is a leader among Trekkies and he moved so many as spokesperson for All Bran. Now he’s regaling millions…oh okay…a handful…of viewers as host of Raw Nerve.

When I saw The New Yorker’s review of the show, “Shatner’s intense weirdness makes things compelling”, it made me feel much better about the pleasure I take in scanning online dating profiles. Truth be told, like that weird and wacky Canadian, some dating profiles are so intensely odd that they’re endlessly intriguing.

On that note, please enjoy this week’s installment of Online Dating Profiles. The Agony, Part 11. Once again, the following dating profiles are not the norm, they are the exception. Most people could use help standing out online. These profiles stand out just fine, though for all the wrong reasons.

Ms. “She walks among us” says this:

I have been told I have an aura about me, perhaps it’s surrounding me? A halo with colors atop my head. Others are typically comfortable around me as I pick up on what they are about and converse accordingly, maintaining eye contact and listening to what is being said. I listen in a way that’s active. Often acknowledgeing and supporting the person who shares with me. I “get” people and they know it. I have that energy that sensitive people have.

Ms. Food Obsession says this:

I’m always dubious of profiles which state ‘like cooking’ – often this translates to, ‘can open freezer, remove outer packaging, pierce lid and press start’ – Lol! Okay I’ll leave you with another thought – Why does the word ‘voluptuous’ actually sound sexy? Be warned, if a profile reads ‘loves cooking’ and ‘voluptuous’ – what it really ought to say is ‘fat, greedy cow’!!! Hungry now? Lol!

Ms “under the impression that she’s positive” says this:

I am a nice girl and try to be a positive. I root for underdogs and lost causes such as myself. And yes I do have all my teeth. No I don’t have any private images and if you continue to send me yours I am gonna need a visa or mastercard. Also it probably won’t work out if your profile has the following images, you in front of your friends car, shirtless, you and a female that has been cut out or if your rocking a mullet, I do like you in your own place and not your mother basement…. Simply… I want to be adored for everything I am. I believe a man should woo a woman and not have to register every time we leave the county.

A man who implies that his own descriptions won’t be true enough:

I don’t believe in “descriptions”, as they are, uhmmm, inaccurate…I am sure you know what I mean, if you do not, well, we don’t have a lot in common. Want to talk? Send me a message, I will respond.

My favorite profile this week from “more clichés than a Chicken Soup for the Soul soft cover”:

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side. Think only of the best, work only for the best & expect only the best. Forget past mistakes and press on to future greatness. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you.

Life is too short for regrets. So love those who treat you right. Love the one’s who don’t just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it tight. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said life would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it.

As you read these though, take heart – most people dating online write profiles that aren’t that bad. Nevertheless, a dating profile should be great, which is why my writing and marketing expertise can help. I’m trained to find out what makes you remarkable and then – using words and anecdotes that I collect from all the questions I ask you – I write a profile that makes you stand out and get noticed.

Check out the online dating samples of my work. Better still, go straight to the personality quiz. It costs nothing to do, but will help you uncover some of your unique traits, which is the first step in writing an online dating profile that’s remarkable (in a good way!).

If you like the blogs, then I think you’ll like the tweets. Would love to see you on Facebook too.