Online Dating Profiles. The Agony, Part 14.

Before Charlie Sheen.

Spring is here. Birds are chirping. Flowers are blooming. Even crows seem a little more melodic. And yet, on online dating sites, people are going all Charlie Sheen on us! Anger, depression, bad spelling – it’s entertainment at it’s most dramatic. On that note, I present “Online Dating. The Agony, Part 14”.

Before you begin, let me reiterate that these excerpts do not represent the norm. Most people are genuine, earnest, and doing their best. They just need help marketing themselves (which is where I come in).

This happy little camper has this to say to all the men:

Sick of the hate mail when I actually wrote the truth on whom I am … seems an intellectual conversation is too much to ask. For the record:
do not assume I need saving and do us both a favor – be original and say
something interesting if you want a response.

A rant by the most annoying typist ever:

SINCE NO ONE REALLY READS THE WORDS, AND THEY JUST LOOK AT THE PICTURES, I’M TIRED BEING POLITE. OK, YOU MAY PROCEED: DO YOU KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN……. THERE …. THEIR …. AND THEY’RE??????….,~~~~ IF YOU…….. DO NOT……….. HAVE A RECENT PICTURE POSTED ON HERE,………… (YOUR PROFILE,.~~~~~….. NOT JUST SENT IN AN EMAIL)…~~~….. PLEASE ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~DO NOT~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ CONTACT ME……UNTIL YOU HAVE DONE SO…. SO IF YOU ARE ASHAMED TO PUT YOUR PICTURES ON HERE THEN I AM AFRAID I WOULDN’T WANT TO GO OUT WITH YOU…,….. (MAYBE YOU BETTER REREAD THAT AGAIN) ……..IT’S OK, I’LL WAIT…….tap……tap……tap….. ^^^^^^^^

Ms “Classy” not trashy doesn’t want pretend douche bags:

Not looking to play head games. do not like being used..do not lie to me, .. just be real.! I want all cards out n on the table, no trick cards,. i am not some cheap slut, am classy not trashy!! no i dont want to c any pictures of your**** not interested, and to all u married men dont waste ur time messaging cuz am not the one!! move on to the next, not this women, Fun times no more fake, pretend douche bags.

Here’s a man you’d want at your party:

Apathy seems to have replaced youthful exuberance, as I realize my boyish good looks and charm seem to have been replaced by weathered indifference and a serrated smile. [a worn torn cover is now my facade].The glass was half full but years of evaporation have taken their toll. I am not really sure what I am looking for or even if I am looking at all. But I am looking for a reason to grow as a human being.

From a man who presumably doesn’t take things seriously anymore:

I love to laugh and don’t take things seriously anymore. Want to avoid going where Ego’s take over and start diminishing what is otherwise a perfect union over fear based security related issues of abandonment, jealousy or worse! I find myself unlearning useless illusionary thoughts and feel some universal intelligence starting to fill the void that’s been left. Quite a process, to drain the Egoic swamp so that a crystal clear lake can take its place. All these insights are so simple (bit of reductionist theorist) that they’ve been hiding in plain sight all along.

On a final note – most people dating online write profiles that aren’t bad at all. I’ve even seen some with great lines in them. However, to stand out, they need to be great from start to finish. This is where my writing and marketing expertise can help. I’m trained to find out what makes you remarkable and then – using words and anecdotes that I collect from all the questions I ask you – I write a profile that makes you stand out and get noticed.

Check out the online dating samples of my work. Better still, go straight to the personality quiz. It costs nothing to do, but will help you uncover some of your unique traits, which is the first step in writing an online dating profile that’s remarkable (in a good way!).

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