Online Dating Profiles. The Agony, Part 22.

A little cuckoo!

Another week, another installment of Online Dating Profiles. The Agony. Once again I feature some of the most outrageous online dating profiles that I’ve seen while scanning dating sites. Often the ones I feature are filled with rants. This week, they’re just all harmlessly nutty – though really nutty… deliciously nutty actually.

Before reading further, I’d just like to assure you that I scanned dozens upon dozens of profiles, from all across the states, before landing on these.

In other words, the online daters featured here are the exception not the rule. Hence, no reason to be discouraged. Usually, the only remarkable aspect of dating profiles is that they’re relatively unremarkable and – truly – could be improved with my marketing expertise.

So much for the warning and the plug. Now enjoy:

I’m sensing that her “not drinking” is a really good thing:

I enjoy simple things. Sometimes I am not a big drinker (in theory, me and drinking don’t really get along)but I mostly like to go to the bar to play. I go through moods were m a neat and organized individual. I often experiment with cooking but I do not eat my own food. So I leave that up to my daughter and her garbage disposal of a husband (who does nothing all day so I guess that just makes him garbage). I often watch baseball and football alone screaming at my television set. I am looking for a man that I can share my life with.

Apparently, she’s “shy” at first:

Hello to every one. well to start I don’t want a man with a lot of body hair. I DONT WANNA FEEL LIKE I AM SLEEPING NEXT TO A RUG !! LOL , Also want a man that doesnt have any small kids, I would be afraid of getting too attached to them ya know. I do prefer A MANS COOKING ANYTIME !!! IS THERE ANYWHERE I CAN GET SOME REAL FISH ? NOT NO DANG FISH STICKS, LOL, SORRY . I am an honest person and yes I do speak my mind ! NO, I am not a B#Tch and dont like to be called one. BY the way , I am shy at first, but then I warm up QUICKLY. YA PROBABLE THINK I HAVE LOST MY MIND IF YOU GOT THIS FAR. HOPE TO HEAR FROM YOU.

That he likes gentle kisses in the rain makes it all worthwhile doesn’t it?

i love to make out so if your a women that likes being held and kissed im your guy would be nice to find a women that is my soulmate i long for you please no drama queens grow up and if you dig sleeping with kids move on i can read ya like a book oh and miss all that and a bag of chips good thing for make up cuz DAMN in the mornig that bag of chips isnt so fresh no more we call that war paint and could you see your self walking around with out it OMG i love thunder storms and gentle kisses in the rain.

Either she likes Pink Floyd or she’s just really high:

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun. Shine on you crazy diamond. Now there’s a look in your eyes, like black holes in the sky.Shine on you crazy diamond. You were caught on the crossfire of childhood and stardom, blown on the steel breeze. Come on you target for faraway laughter, come on you stranger, you legend, you martyr, and shine! You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon. Shine on you crazy diamond.Threatened by shadows at night, and exposed in the light. Shine on you crazy diamond.Well you wore out your welcome with random precision,rode on the steel breeze.Come on you raver, you seer of visions, come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner, and shine!

Ladies, a tip: don’t be over your ex:

Well here I am Single again & just trying to find Ms. Right .. I’ve had Ms. Wrong .. lol I can’t figure out why women who don’t have the time to date get on a dating website. Can someone plz. tell me because it makes NO SENSE AT ALL … ATTN : if you are not OVER YOUR EX’HUSBAND or BOYFRIEND plzz. DON’T WASTE MY TIME OR YOURS .. I just hate being PLAYED by WOMEN STILL HUNG UP ON EX’S. For the Love of GOD Grow up & MOVE ON . ( YOU CAN’T MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU } ……

Hope you enjoyed these profiles. To make sure yours is remarkable – in a good way – hire me to help you. With my writing experience and marketing expertise, I’m trained to find out what makes you stand out. Then, using words and anecdotes that I collect from all the questions I ask you (and I ask a lot!),  I write a profile that makes you get noticed in the best possible way!

Check out the online dating samples of my work. Better still, go straight to the personality quiz.  It costs nothing to do, but will help you uncover some of your unique traits, which is the first step in writing an online dating profile that makes you get notice for all the right reasons.

If you like the blogs, then you’ll like the tweets. I’d also love to see you on facebook.