All posts tagged with online dating mistakes
Online dating profiles. The Agony Part 2.
It’s the end of the week. Time for me to share the “hurts so good” moments I’ve had over the past 7 days while scanning online dating profiles. Bear in mind that these dating profiles do not reflect the average person, and are most likely suggestive of inbreeding. BFF wrote: IS THEIR ANY GOOD GUYS LEFT?? WHY IS ALL GUYS ON HERE JUST LOOKING FOR A PIECE OF ASS???Im looking for a guy that knows how to treat a lady.… read more →
Online dating profiles, the Agony Part 1.
I once worked for someone who, for some unintelligible reason, decided that a picture of a 1950’s clown on a print ad for 20-year old adrenaline junkies would be funny. It wasn’t. It made no sense at all. The only thing funny was how bad the ad was. This same person was also pretty pleased with himself for coming up with an ad that made reference to the TV show “Twin Peaks” even though the ad was designed for people… read more →
Confessions of online dating profiles.
A few years ago, when I still believed that Facebook statuses were innocent and pure, I accepted friend request from an acquaintance with an inner Tila Tequila. My news feeds thereafter were never the same. Her statuses blared with such gems as: “After a session like that, I wish I smoked. Wink, wink. Oh wait a minute. I was smoking.” I don’t know what traumatized me more, the puns or the visuals of her having hot sex. Like some… read more →
Here it is, the most popular online dating profile ever!
Bet you didn’t know that “Happy Birthday to you” has a copyright value of $5 million US. Given that statistic, I have to figure there’s a really rich, really happy eccentric out there who’s collecting millions from the following profile. It’s high in popularity but low in distinctiveness: Looking for my soulmate, are you out there? (That headline alone must be worth millions in royalties and is second only to “life is short”). I luv life (as opposed to… read more →
This is your brain. This is your brain on online dating sites.
I’ve had a frown line on my forehead ever since high school chemistry class. Even after discovering truancy and my friend, Betty Gormley’s talent at writing fake absentee notes from my “parents”, that frown line never dissipated. However, since becoming on online dating profile writer, I swear it’s deepened considerably. Now that I scan online dating sites all the time, I no longer wonder about the chemistry of atoms. Instead, I wonder about the brain chemistry of singles dating online.… read more →
Why “everlasting” should not apply to your dating profile.
Some things go on forever. A wail by Mariah Carey is a good example; as is a wail by anyone passing a kidney stone. Besides that, Elvis and Jim Morrison, never die. For that matter, neither does Keith Richards even though he’s long overdue. And, if you’ve ever been forced to attend midnight mass with your family at St. Augustine’s Parish in Montreal on December 25, 1978, you’d know better than anyone that certain things go on forever no matter… read more →
Online dating and cuckoos.
Remember when Kathy Bates went from being a caring sweetie to a crazy lady who then enslaved and tortured James Caan in blind obsession? She was awesome! Remember when Edward Norton went from being a sweet, soft-spoken victim to a cool, manipulative sociopath without a pulse or a conscience? I loved him. And who could possibly have expected mild-mannered Kevin Spacey in Usual Suspects to be a criminal mastermind? I love plot twists and nutty characters in movies. On online… read more →
Online dating and critical thinking.
One of my friends was concerned about online dating because she heard you could meet a lot of creeps on dating sites. I asked her if she had ever met creeps in a bar. She said she had. I asked her if she had ever met creeps at parties. She said yes. I asked her if she had ever met creeps at weddings. Guess what? She had. The point is you can meet creeps anywhere. Online dating sites don’t have… read more →
Online dating and the meaning of fun.
Ever see a dog’s head tilt in bewilderment as you talk to it? I find myself doing that when I read the words “I like to have fun” in a dating profile. It’s perplexing in the way that fanny packs are considered dorky, but cycling jerseys with pockets at the back aren’t. I never had a Sylvan Centre tutor but, as far as I know, implicit in the meaning of fun is pleasure, isn’t it? Nobody has fun and dislikes… read more →
Dating profiles that “prefer not to say”: about as fair as William Shatner getting work.
The first time I truly grasped the meaning of, “life’s not fair” was when I was 12 years old. That was the day I was told I probably wouldn’t grow any taller, and that my chest would not probably not get any bigger than that of my Aunt – the one known for her personality. Since then I’ve come up against much injustice. Carrying one teeny item over to the presumably “fast” self-serve area of a grocery store only to… read more →
